Sugar
by Yami Roojii
Summary: Why Bakura should NEVER have sugar. One shot.


This is my first one shot. It focuses on my two great loves, Bakura and sugar. Hope you like it.

* * *

Shutting the front door firmly behind him, Ryou walked into the kitchen and wearily set about making some tea to perk himself up a bit. 

After leaving the tea bag to brew for a few minutes he added some full fat milk and five sugars…at least he would have if the sugar dish hadn't been empty.

Grumbling in annoyance he went over to a cupboard and got out the 1kg bag of sugar to refill the pot, only to find that that was empty too.

"What the…?" he frowned, having only bought the sugar two days previously.

"Bakura" he called out, crumpling the empty packet and throwing it in the bin.

There was no answer.

Assuming his psychotic Yami had gone out with the equally psychotic Marik he sighed and walked back over to his sub standard tea and stirred it.

That was when he noticed the candy bar wrappers.

There was a trail of them leading out from the kitchen, through the hall and up the stairs.

"Oh, please, not mice again", he murmured, following the trail with a spatula in his hand.

As he reached the top of the stairs the trail came to an abrupt end.

It was when he was checking under the side table that he noticed the shadows were dancing around wildly as though the light was swinging from side to side.

Looking up, he was surprised to see Bakura hanging from the light fitting.

"What on earth are you doing up there?" he asked worriedly.

"Had to get away…only place that's safe…can't get me up here" Bakura babbled, staring around wildly as though he were being pursued by something.

"What can't get you up there?" Ryou laughed.

"The guinea pigs…they want-" he managed to say, eyes wide with panic, before the light fitting finally gave out.

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Ryou gasped, helping Bakura off the floor.

"Ahahahahahahahahahaha, bananas and cream!" the ex tomb robber yelled, apparently forgetting about the guinea pigs.

"What?" Ryou said, not sure if he'd heard right.

"What?" Bakura replied.

Frowning, Ryou tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with Bakura.

Suddenly a terrifying thought struck him.

"Oh no, Bakura, please tell me you didn't eat all that sugar and candy!" he whimpered.

"Sugarsugarsugarsugargood" Bakura grinned.

Groaning, Ryou started to pick up the wrappers.

"I love you bunny boy!" Bakura yelled, jumping on Ryou's back.

"Aaaaaah" Ryou shrieked as he tumbled down the stairs, his sugar high Yami clamped firmly to his back.

"Weee, that was fun!" Bakura cried when they reached the bottom.

Springing up off the floor, somehow completely unharmed, he ran into the front room.

Ryou followed much more slowly.

When he finally caught up he found that Bakura was making a phone call, something he didn't do very often due to his fear and total lack of understanding when it came to technology.

"MarikMarikMarikareyouthereareyoutherehelloareyouthereareyou?" Bakura said in one breath.

Going back into the kitchen, Ryou picked up the other phone just in time to hear Marik asking if Bakura was high.

"NowhydoyouaskdoIseemhightoyouIdon'tfeelhighnoI'mdefinatelynothigh" Bakura said, still talking too fast to breath properly.

"For the love of Ra slow down!" Marik yelled, "No, better yet, go away!" and with that he hung up.

Bakura stared at the phone for a moment then burst into tears.

"Why doesn't he want to talk to me?" He sobbed, the tears slowing his speech back down to a more normal speed.

"I have no idea" Ryou said sarcastically, "Come here right now young man" He added as Bakura went to leave.

Hanging his head like a dog that knows it's been bad, Bakura scuttled over to stand in front of his hikari.

"What on earth possessed you to ingest so much sugar!" he scolded.

"Felt like it" Bakura replied.

"Well I think you'd better go sleep it off" Ryou instructed, pointing towards the stairs.

"NO" Bakura yelled, diving for the window.

Unfortunately he didn't leap quite far enough and fell flat on his face about two feet in front of the window. Picking himself up, he climbed out instead.

Panicking at the thought of his sugar high Yami roaming free, Ryou quickly went after him.

Due to him using the front door instead of the window, by the time he got outside Bakura was already half naked.

Squealing in alarm he ran over and tried to stop him from stripping any further.

"Noooooooo, I want to be freeeeeeeeeeee" Bakura yelled, skipping out of Ryou's reach.

"Bakura, please, you're making a scene" Ryou pleaded, holding out the discarded pants hopefully.

"I don't care, I want to feel the wind in my happy place" Bakura cried, starting to remove his underwear.

"No! Bakura don't do it…I…I'll give you more sugar if you come back inside!" Ryou whimpered.

Pausing in his undressing, Bakura considered his offer.

"No" he decided and whipped off his boxers.

"Gyaaaah" Ryou screamed, covering his eyes.

"FREEDOM" Bakura shouted, running down the street wearing his sweater like a cape, "I am the all mighty Nudeman, bow down before me AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA"

Sobbing in frustration, Ryou ran after him, desperately trying not to look at his Yami's exposed rear.

"Bakura…come…back" he panted.

Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth he ran as hard as he possibly could.

Catching up, he leaped wildly onto Bakura's back.

They both tumbled down onto the road, Bakura becoming a human bodyboard for a few seconds.

Taking advantage of his Yami's stunned state, Ryou forced his legs back into his jeans.

Bakura sat up suddenly and looked at Ryou, pupils dilated more than was humanly possible.

Ryou winced at the grazes all down Bakura's face.

"Are you ok?" He asked worriedly.

"Never better old chap, I'm having a jolly spiffing time, how about you?" Bakura asked, his eyes crossing as he tried to focus on Ryou's face.

Sighing, Ryou pulled Bakura to his feet and started to drag him back towards the house.

"No, I must go, the city needs me!" Bakura wailed, pulling as hard as he could in the opposite direction.

"The city will be just fine without you Nudeman, now come on!" Ryou snapped, giving Bakura's arm a sudden jerk.

Unfortunately, he jerked a little hard and Bakura's arm popped right out of the socket.

"Ahhh" Bakura yelled, collapsing onto one knee, "Oh no, the great Nudeman has been grievously wounded by his long time foe, Nemesisdude."

"Bakura, shut up and hold still so I can put your arm back in" Ryou ordered.

"Stay away from me, villain" Bakura cried, jumping to his feet and tearing off down the road again, his dislocated arm trailing behind him along with his cape.

Ryou's eyes widened in panic as he realised that Bakura wasn't going to slow down to cross the main road at the end of their street.

"No!" He shrieked as Bakura ran straight out into the traffic.

He wasn't there long, the nice truck saw to that.

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"I hate you" Ryou said coldly, spooning yoghurt into Bakura's mouth.

Bakura could do no more than scowl at his hikari due to the full body cast and wired jaw.

"You are NEVER to eat sugar again, do you understand?" Ryou said sternly, "blink twice to say you understand."

"Uck uff" Bakura snarled through his surgically clenched teeth.

"I have no idea what you just said but I'll take it as a yes" Ryou sighed.

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Meanwhile…

Yawning, Malik put down the remote and headed for the kitchen.

The Buffy marathon went on for another five and a half hours yet, if he was going to stay awake he needed caffeine.

Sniffing appreciatively, he smiled as he added the water and milk needed to make his precious coffee.

His smile faded as he realised he didn't have the last vital ingredient.

"Hey" he muttered to himself, "Where's all the sugar gone…"

* * *

Please tell me what you thought. Any comments are welcome. 

**Unless you're just being nasty for the sake of it, then I'd have to hunt you down and eat you. **

Yeah, what she said…except I'd just egg your house, I'm not into eating people.


End file.
